The secret to happiness and success
The Secret to True Happiness
My partner recently said something to me that stood out… and got the reflective juices flowing, resulting in this blog! I was telling him the exciting news that I had just been offered a position at work, that I really wanted. His response was “Of course you did Lauren, if only once you didn’t get what you wanted.”
I told my Dad the same good news, his response was similar, “Of course you did, you’re Lauren, everything always works out for you.”
At first, I was offended by these remarks from the two men in my life that I seek approval and attention from. What they said sounded to me like I was a spoilt brat, who gets whatever they want handed to them on a silver platter. I know that was not their intention. I know, and they know (and anyone else who witnesses how hard I work, constantly and whole heartedly knows) that is not the case.
But, They are Right…
But yes, they are right, in some way or another, I do always get what I want. There is a process to my thinking surrounding these things:
I have a hard think about what I truly, deeply want/need, to be a happy and healthy human.
I question what receiving or gaining that would give me or change in my life.
I allocate my time and energies accordingly.
That is why I am a Life and Wellness coach; I want to teach others how they can get what they want, how to live the life they want and how to be the person they want to be. If you’re not going to go out and get it, no-one else is going to give it to you.
So, I’ve decided to share with you my personal formula for happiness and success (to me they are the same thing!)
1) Have a Vision
Firstly ask what is success to you? Is it a personal vision, is it a feeling, way of life, a position? Is it wisdom, ownership of materialistic possessions? In one on one life coaching in my practice – I help people become aware of their goals, their passions and purpose, then I coach them to set and achieve goals in accordance to them.
A good way to get the goal or that vision in your head is creating a vision board or write a letter from your future self! It sounds corny but just try it (or feel free to email me if you want help), and from there, work backwards…
2) Acceptance
When I don’t get what I want - I don’t stamp my feet and chuck a tantrum (although I am sure there are occasions growing up my Dad would probably disagree with that). In the real “adult” world, I handle closed doors and disappointments very differently.
This is why people may have the “illusion” that I always get what I want, because I practice acceptance. I say if I had always got what I wanted, I would be one unhappy girl today. I have learnt to be thankful for closed doors, detours and roadblocks, because they protect me from paths and places not meant for me.
Sure, I have thrown a little pity party for myself, but have learned to free myself from them as I gain emotional intelligence and maturity – you need to be able to identify your feelings. Recognise them and give yourself space to allow them. Experience those feelings, otherwise they don’t go away they just get suppressed.
However, I don’t let my pity party turn into a pity bender - I shift my thought patterns, motivation and commitment to an alternate route and keep moving forward, with more enthusiasm! When I get knocked down, I get back up again, trusting the universe has bigger better plans for me (this is where religion may play a role for some).
3) Be Kind
I am kind to everyone I meet. Everyone.
Whether they be in my professional or personal world, I am always kind (this can be challenging sometimes working in Child Protection, nonetheless I do it anyway). When you are kind and help others, most people are kind in return, and are happy to help you on your road to success.
If you need something; help, advice or to be introduced to someone who can help, usually, a person you have been kind to will be more than willing to help out! So don’t have ulterior motives, help others and be kind to every soul you meet, it’s called ‘Karma’ and it will return the favour some day!
4) Be Genuine
When I say I am kind, that does not mean I am fake or sugar coat my words. I don’t beat around the bush or just tell people what they want to hear (this would definitely not work in Child Protection). Sometimes, if I have something I need to say that may offend someone, I will say it anyway (nicely). I can explain my intentions; if I have to say something that might hurt someone’s feelings I explain that I’ve said it in the best interest of that person (and check back in with yourself, reflect and question yourself to ensure it really is!
How will this person benefit from hearing what it is you have to say? Does it really need to be said if it is at the risk of hurting their feelings or beating their self-esteem). I explain to them, I am telling them this because I care for them and want to be transparent with them.
5) Work hard
Identify your end goal, and ask how badly do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice for it?
It is true, if it was easy we would all have it or all do it.
Sometimes it is easier to whinge and moan, to blame it on bad luck and on others, than it is to take ownership, to take accountability and to step up and make changes.
If you want to lose weight, but aren’t willing to eat a balanced diet or get your body moving – then you obviously don’t want to lose the weight bad enough.
If you want an A in your next exam, but you want to keep watching that TV series instead, it’s obvious that don’t want those grades bad enough.
If you want true committed love, yet aren’t wiling to suck up your pride and have the uncomfortable discussions with your partner to work out your issues, then guess what? You don’t want the relationship bad enough.
Working hard isn’t about instant gratification either, if you want something - work at it - do not give up. It’s about persistence, it’s making sacrifices today for something you might not necessarily see tomorrow or the next day, but trust you will reap the benefits in a month or years time.
This is how University works! I am sure a few of you reading this are just like me and juggled 3-4 part time/casual jobs whilst studying at uni, knowing in 4-5 years time it would all be worth it! Same as going for a run (despite the fact you do get instant release of endorphins) you can not expect to drop weight after one run, it comes back to consistent work.
If the end goal is truly something you madly, deeply want, something your heart is longing for, then the hard/persistent work won’t discourage you, you will go to bed dreaming about it and wake up excited about it! And if you don’t, revisit your goal, ask yourself do you truly want it? This is leads me to…
6) Reflection.
This is a biggie for me. I frequently reflect to ensure the life I am living is in accordance with my values, things I believe are important. This is how I make decisions and weigh up what sacrifices are worth making, or if I am sacrificing too much. A way I keep this in check, is by using my ‘mission statement’.
It is little piece of paper I have written and keep in my diary, I have identified my top 5 values and articulated how the person I aspire to be would ideally incorporate these into their life accordingly (I will share this strategy in my next blog).
By reflecting, I ensure my behavior is aligning with my values, essentially making sure I am walking my talk. I reflect the purity of my intentions and ensure they are not manipulated by society, status, fashion or money – as these are things I have identified in my mission statement are not values of mine that I want to be controlled or dictated by.
7) Forgiveness
In life you must have emotional balance - just like you need a healthy dose of work and play, veggies and sweets, sun and rain. There is happiness and sadness. It is inevitable you are going to get hurt. But, don’t let the world make you hard. Love and live whole-heartedly. Forgive.
Don’t hold onto negative energy hating, bitching or stalking someone’s instagram/Facebook pages. All that does is make you spiteful and heavy.
It takes way more energy to hate than it does to love…so forgive…
It’s like my favourite saying “resentment is like drinking poison hoping it will kill your enemies” Nelson Mandela. Forgiveness however, does not necessarily mean to forget. Make an executive decision, you are your own boss – do I want this person in my life?
If I do… fair enough - acknowledge what they did was wrong, realise they are capable of doing it again, love and accept them anyway by planning for it or not allowing them to be in the position to hurt you again.
Be a lover not a fighter, and know better for next time. If you decided – No, you don’t want that person in your life anymore - then that’s also fair enough, respect yourself to walk away from anything that no longer serves or grows you.
Appreciate that lesson and let it go. Don’t waste energy ruminating over it, forgive them and use that energy to be constructive, move forward and closer to your success and happiness.
So, this is my personal formula. It may not work for everyone, but that’s the whole point of Life Coaching – identifying what is important to you, the individual, and living your life accordingly.
By practicing these 7 things in my life, I am a happier person, people often describe me as “happy - go lucky” and a “go getter”, I am motivated yet, also at peace with where I am. I get to live life light, with no baggage, no regrets nor hatred. I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am, because I treat everyone the same regardless of what they have to offer me.
Like everything in life - it comes down to balance – be a nice human but don’t expect things to be passed to you because of it – you still have to get up and chase those big dreams yourself…but that’s where the fun begins ;)
If you feel you need a little help please reach out – you can find some of my life coaching programs.
Sending happiness and success your way,
